Hope

The sister missionaries called me and said they needed a place to go with a woman and asked if they could come here. Of course I said yes. We (Cadi and I) had just gotten home from the barbeque, Ryan was at a movie with Jack and another friend, and Cadi was in the tub. I quickly picked up the family room, got Cadi out of the tub and into PJs, and then "knock knock".

They began to give the first discussion to this woman, we'll call her Hope (because that's what I wish I could just give her). As we talked, Hope told us about her life. She is in a very unhealthy marriage. She feels that she has no options. She does not want a divorce because the Bible says you shouldn’t divorce. But she is experiencing some forms of abuse and there are four young children exposed to it as well. She feels that God doesn’t love her, she doesn’t see how He could love her. She feels that God can change her husband, but He doesn’t. She loves God though. It was the saddest thing. I could not imagine how she feels. I could not imagine what her life is like.

I felt so sad for her. As I closed the door I just cried. Just that this poor woman who loves God, used to be a missionary in her country for her church, used to be happy, used to feel the spirit, now feels that she is nothing to God. She feels there is no hope for her. She feels that she will never feel the spirit again.

What I take for granted! I feel God’s love for me, even when I know I don’t deserve it! I have a husband who loves and respects me. I am in a safe environment that allows me to develop and grow physically, emotionally, mentally, and especially spiritually.

I wish I could just give that all to Hope. My heart just aches for her and every other person who feels like that. I feel somewhat helpless, but I know that Heavenly Father is not helpless. And I know that He does love her very much. So, I will do all I can do – I will pray for her. I believe I will fast for her too.

I don’t know if I will ever see her again or even hear about her again. But I do pray that things will improve for her. I hope she will at the very least be able to feel Heavenly Father’s love for her.

I think about all the missionaries. They must see this often. How do they do it? How do you go into people’s homes, see their environment, know that evil things are happening to innocent people, and then have to walk out, not being able to do anything that makes it better for them? How do you say a prayer and then not worry or think about it anymore. I know that by saying a prayer we are doing “something” and that the Lord’s hands are the best “hands” to leave it in, but still – how do you do it? Gosh, I just wish I could make her okay. I wish I could make her see and feel what I see and feel. I wish I could give her that hope and peace and love. But I can’t.