I have often wondered what I would have done in the days of Christ or even in the days of Joseph Smith. I have often wondered if I would have believed and followed them. I have wondered if I would have had the faith to cross the plains as a pioneer, willing to leave my home and possibly all the people I knew and loved to follow a new religion.
Sometimes I encounter people who constantly question. They need to KNOW. They need proof. They need to hear it from "the horse's mouth". They believe, or at least claim to believe, yet they bring up things and sometimes even search for things that create doubt in their own minds and sometimes in others. I often feel uncomfortable when I am associating with people like that.
In Sunday School, I, along with the other YW leaders are taking Teacher Development classes. We just began last week and I believe they will last all summer. As I have been reading the assignment, I came across a section about testimony. Something in it, but I can't quite pinpoint an exact quote, filled me with an understanding. Something I've always wondered but never knew.
I am a believer. My heart just believes. I do not walk blindly, following others just because they say so or it sounds good. I can and do think for myself. But something in me recognizes the truth when I hear it. In my patriarchal blessing, I am told this. That I recognize the truth when I read or hear it. But I never fully understood just how important that is. It's a gift, you could say. And I don't say that to boast or brag. In the Doctrine and Covenants, we are told that we all have gifts, and they aren't all the same.
I am well aware that I lack many talents. I often think to myself that I have not "mastered" any talent really. I remember a teacher referring to himself as, "A jack of all trades, master of none". I relate to that. I like many things, am okay at most, maybe even good at a few, but I am not proficient in any way, in any of those things. But I am reminded of another man I knew who was a quadriplegic. His body was broken and it was a great trial to him and his family. However, one day he told his father, "I am grateful that my trial is physical and not spiritual. When I am resurrected, I will be made whole again. If it were my testimony that was broken instead of my body, I think that would be a much more difficult trial to endure."
If I could have only one gift, I would want it to be a spiritual gift like this. To believe. To recognize truth. To know without needing to KNOW. The testimony that I have is a great one. It has carried me through trials that I don't think I could have endured without it. And because of my testimony, I know I can continue to endure. It really doesn't matter what happens to or around me, so long as I have that faith. Faith that there is a Heavenly Father who loves me and knows what is best for me. If He says this is where I should be, then I know it is so. If He says this is the path I should take, then I know it is so. I know that He leads and guides The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints. And when I hear the prophet speak, I know he is speaking for the Lord. I know that whatever he says, it will be what the Lord wants me to hear. I can still pray for a confirmation, but the truth is that everytime I have read or heard the prophet's words, the spirit HAS confirmed it to me IMMEDIATELY. I have not needed to research it myself or to take time to really consider what has been said. I can do those things to develop more of an understanding of the matter, but I do not need to do them in order to receive a testimony that it is true. Because I have already received that testimony.
I truly believe that if I had lived in the days of Christ, I would have been one of His followers. I truly believe that if I had lived in the 1800's when Joseph Smith restored the Gospel, I would have accepted it and followed him and the other saints. I truly believe that if I had lived in those days that I would have joined the saints and left my home in order to find a place where I could worship without persecution and play an active role in the building of the kingdom. I also believe that none of those things would have been easy. But I truly believe, as I also believe now, that any sacrifice I would have had to make would be worth it.
Today, more than anything else, I am grateful for my believing heart. And I thank the Lord for such a great gift.
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