Last night was mutual. We took the youth to the temple, walked around in small groups and talked about it. In my class there is one girl who is new to church and doesn't know much at all about it. I had the other girls tell her what the temple is for, what we do there, how they feel. It was good. Afterwards there was a devotional where we were challenged to "Aspire to something higher." It was a really good evening.
However, one of my girls was having a rough day. A few months ago, she injured herself playing soccer. Her arm has been in a cast, and more recently in a brace. She had been hopeful that it would be healed by now. Yesterday she went to the doctor's office and they learned that there is still a problem. They don't know why it isn't healed, but it looks like this is going to last until the end of summer or even fall.
This would be discouraging enough but to make it even more difficult, soccer tryouts are coming up and this soccer loving girl isn't even going to get on the team this year. (She already missed the end of last season.) As you can imagine, this along with other annoyances that come with having your right arm (she is right-handed) injured and facing another 6 months of healing, was just too much for her to take.
She had put on a brave face but later as we had some quiet time at the temple, she became tearful. I held her as she cried and offered lame phrases of comfort, "It's not fair. I'm so sorry. Life stinks sometimes.", etc. After a moment, I took the other girls to walk some more and let her have some time alone.
I wanted to really talk to her and tell her that I knew Heavenly Father cared about her and her arm. I wanted to tell her that I know she is a strong person and I can see that this trial could be an opportunity for things we don't know about yet. But there were other girls around and I'm not sure that she was ready for that part yet anyways. Right now she was just sad and needed to let that out.
I am going to call when she gets home from school today to invite her out for ice cream tomorrow. I'd like to talk to her and see how she's doing after a couple of days letting it all sink in. If it feels appropriate I'll try to express some of those things then.
From the very first day of receiving this calling, to work with 14 and 15 year old girls, I've worried about finding away to build a relationship with each of them. I don't know what to talk about when I'm with them. I know they consider me old (and I guess to them I am). I don't know if they want to talk to me at all. Sometimes I feel like I'm failing miserably. So I don't want to mess this up. I hope that she feels comfortable with me. I hope I can show love for her without it being awkward.
How do you do that? How do you find the balance? I want to be someone who she will trust and who she knows loves her. But I also need to be her leader. I don't think it's wrong to have a friendship with the girls, but it is important that they respect me as their advisor. I can't be on the same level they are. I think they should see me as a source of spiritual guidance.
But how? I guess I better figure it out by tomorrow!
2 comments:
Mom commented 3/11/05:
Trust yourself and follow the Spirit.
You can be their leader and their friend. It is important that they understand that while you are willing to let them talk to you about any of their concerns. there are some secrets you cannot and will not keep. You might like to chat with Donna S. who has worked with youth in church and professionally. Before she was professional, she was YW adviser here to a very troubled group of girls. She would take girls out for ice cream, too, and let them talk about pretty much anything. She called it like she saw it, no holds barred. She also let them know before they got really into it that there were some things she would have to report and she would warn them if she thought they were getting close to something. "You know, I cannot keep something like that a secret from your mom or the Bishop." They probably were not always happy with her at the time. A delicate balance, but I think you can do it.
Blessings on you and your girls.
I commented 3/11/05:
I know this girl isn't into anything like that. She's just having a rough go, feels like the world is against here because her dream is being taken away for awhile.
So far, our girls are all pretty good. They are teenagers for sure, but they are strong and stand for what they believe.
There is a new girl though, who hasn't been involved with the church for awhile. There may be adjustments that she has to make, I don't know. But she is usually pretty talkative with me. And she feels comfortable asking questions about church things.
They are good girls. It's a challenging position, but I am sure the rewards are going to be greater than the challenges.
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